Dan.M

An odd weekend, in a very good way. It feels like it’s slipped out from under me though, definitely doesn’t feel like two days off. Back to it tomorrow.

Too deep in thought this evening, contemplative & sombre, probably just tired, going to have a glass of whiskey, a bath, and go to bed. Made some realisations this weekend, none of them good.

On a positive note though, i got a lot closer to getting @satisfiedapp done this weekend. Proud of this rewrite.

I dream of a world where contestants of big brother and shipwrecked are all gathered together on the first night of the programme and slaughtered at point blank range using a browning 30 caliber machine gun, leaving nothing but bikini bottoms containing entrails and pieces of gym-sculpted abs dangling from set pieces. Then, before the close of the show, a man explains how these shows are slowing the progress of humanity, before subjecting the producers of said show to medieval torture techniques outlawed by the geneva convention.

I dream of a world where there is a fake awards ceremony for shows like The only way is essex, made in chelsea, and desperate scousewives, where the shows stars, writers and crew all attend. Then, as the show begins, a man takes the stage, explains what a waste of oxygen they are, and how the doors are now sealed. He takes a live grenade, pulls the pin, places it in one of the Liverpudlian girl’s mouths, and blows those “scouse brows” to opposite ends of the room. Then, the entirety of the audience is caged and used for medical research, and the monkeys are freed into society to find jobs, because their IQs are higher than the average “semi-reality TV” star.

I dream of a world where the chemical reaction between hair bleach and fake tan can be harnessed to create a powerful (and ironic) acid that can be used to dissolve a reality TV star’s body and very soul. Leaving behind nothing but a thick, nitrogen-rich compound that can be used fertilise acres of crops for 3rd world nations, in the hope that, in death, they might actually serve SOME purpose.

Here’s an idea? Take all the money paid to everyone attached to those shows, and put it into cancer research, so instead of these pointless fucking programmes we might have a chance of our parents, friends, family and children living a little longer to hopefully make something amazing.

Or, put it into mental health research, so that we can find out why something like 1 in 3 people is depressed?

Actually, i can tell you why 1 in 3 people are depressed - because they look around themselves and they see the other 2-in-3 people watching and enjoying this complete travesty of the human condition, and that, my friends, is depressing.

Channels 4 & 5 can go fuck themselves.